He fear of losing someone It is one of the most powerful emotions within an emotional relationship. When it appears, it can alter the way we act, think and relate to the other person. What under normal conditions would seem excessive or unfair to us may begin to seem reasonable if we believe that in this way we will avoid a breakup – both in friendship and as a couple.
In many cases, this fear translates into anxiety. Constant concern about relationship status leads some people to try strengthen the relationship based on gestures, care or additional efforts. An attempt is made to demonstrate constant commitment, availability or understanding in the hope that this will strengthen the bond and reduce uncertainty.
However, in this attempt to sustain the relationship, sometimes a less visible phenomenon occurs: the progressive loss of the own limits. The fear that the other person will walk away can lead to accepting dynamics that would not be tolerated in another context. Little by little, the effort to maintain the bond can end up displacing self-care.
Psychologist Ana Barba (@gabanapsicologia on TikTok) talks about this issue in one of her TikTok videos: “If you are giving more and more in the relationship and receiving less and less, this interests you.”
According to the specialist, when the feeling arises that the bond is in danger, many people react by increasing their involvement. “When they feel insecurity in your relationship What they do is give more, run away. “More attention, more understanding, more availability, more patience, more effort, thinking that this way the relationship will be balanced.”
The logic behind this behavior is that if more is given, the relationship should become stronger. However, Barba points out that the result may be just the opposite. “When you constantly give without asking, without setting limits and without showing need, the dynamics are unbalanced. The other person gets used to it, begins to take you for granted and stops trying the way they did,” explains the psychologist.
In this scenario, the person trying to maintain the relationship may end up carrying most of the emotional weight. “And you, of course, without realizing it, you enter into an opposition in which you hold the whole bond”Adds Barba.
For the specialist, the problem is not necessarily in the fact of giving within a relationship. Affection, care or attention are a natural part of the bonds. The key question is from what emotional place one is acting: “The problem is giving from that fear of losing, from anxiety or from need for the other to stay”, he points out.
When the effort arises from that fear, the goal is no longer to share or build a balanced bond. Instead, it becomes a strategy to guarantee the other person’s love. “When you give to be loved, you are not building reciprocity, you are trying assure you affection”.
However, healthy affection does not work under that logic, since “it is not forced nor is it bought with an extra effort“For this reason, Barba poses some questions that can help identify if you have entered into that dynamic. “Am I giving this because I want to or because I am afraid of losing? Am I in a balanced relationship or am I the one who supports everything? If I stopped doing so much, what would happen? Is the relationship falling apart?”
“Giving as a couple is very nice,” concludes Barba. “But when giving becomes a constant sacrifice… Healthy love is not demonstrated by doing more and more and more. It is built when both sustain the bond and not just one of the two.”
