At the beginning of a relationship, almost everything seems to fall into place. Conversations flow, coincidences multiply and the feeling of being in the presence of something special quickly sets in. It is a moment in which there are hardly any cracks: there has not been enough time for the disagreements or the awkwardness that inevitably arises when two people begin to disagree. really know each other.
In that initial phase, furthermore, the emotional intensity plays a key role. The constant messages, the desire to see each other at all hours, and the feeling of immediate connection can make everything seem deeper than it really is. It is easy to interpret this impulse as an unequivocal sign that we are dealing with “something important.”
However, that same intensity can become a trap. What is perceived as true love in the early stages may be nothing more than an accelerated emotion, a need, or even an idealization. This is what psychologist Icíar Navarro points out in one of her videos (@bibepsicologia on TikTok): “Feeling a lot is not the same as loving well. Don’t confuse intensity with love.”
Attraction and intensity or “really good love”
As the expert explains, this confusion appears recurrently during her sessions with patients. “Often in consultation I see how many times we let ourselves be carried away by that intensity of the beginning.” In that start, when everything is new, it is easy to get carried away by the emotion without questioning its origin or its meaning.
Navarro describes a very recognizable pattern: “When someone comes very strongly, suddenly they want to see you all the time, they keep telling you that you have never felt anything like it…, that’s when you feel special. That’s when you feel that this is real love, good love.” That avalanche of attention and affection It can be flattering, even addictive, but it can also hide dynamics that are not sustainable over time.
Therefore, the expert insists on the importance of braking: “It is very important that you stop.” Stopping does not mean rejecting what you feel, but rather observing it with perspective. Ask yourself what is behind that urgency and if there really is a deep knowledge of the other person.
Because, as he warns, not everything that seems like love is: “One thing is love and another thing is urgency. Urgency to not be aloneto try to keep things from getting cold, to feel a lot without stopping for a moment to really look at the other person.” That urgency can push us to build accelerated bonds, where the emotional comes before the rational.
The problem with this speed is that it leaves little room for what is essential: knowing the other in different circumstances. “When everything goes so fast, something usually happens and there is no space to really get to know the other person. There is no time to see how that person is going to react.” in the face of conflictin an argument, how he reacts when you say no, when you stop being available twenty-four seven.” It is precisely in those moments where the most important aspects of a relationship are revealed.
Furthermore, real compatibility goes far beyond the initial chemistry: “There is no time to see if you are compatible beyond that first attraction, that initial chemistryWithout this analysis, the bond can only be sustained on a fragile emotional basis.
However, “this intensity is very engaging,” explains Navarro. “It makes you feel chosen, wanted, important, but it can also cause you to lose your way a little, to lose clarity, because the intensity makes you feel very special.”
Faced with this, the psychologist proposes a key idea that redefines the concept of love: “Healthy love, truly good love, makes you feel calm, calm.” A calm that, far from being boring, is the true indicator of emotional stability and a bond built on solid foundations.
